Tag Archives: writing

A Day With Nichole by Guest Blogger Adam Sweaters

17 Jan

This week I asked (demanded that) my wonderful boyfriend Adam Sweaters write a guest post. Naturally, he decided to write about me, and I think he did a pretty good job of not making me sound like a complete psycho. His take on life with me:

“Adam! Adam! Adam! Wake up and untangle these necklaces now! I have to leave in 2 minutes!” I’m jerked out of whatever good/bad dream I was having and into a race against time with what at stake? Oh, just my very soul, thats all. Thus begins a typical day with Nichole.

Once all fashion disasters are averted (or not) our day smooths into our typical routines. We text, sometimes adoringly, sometimes in a warlike manner, from our respective jobs and piece together plans for the evening. Plans which will undoubtedly be irrelevant by the time I arrive home. But, that only adds to the endearing tapestry that is Nichole. Our “plans” usually evolve into us going out to a few favorite local bars, having drinks, rehashing past mistakes that smart only because of how passionate we are for each other, and meeting up with friends.

When the drinking establishments begin to feel shallow and tacky we head home for a night of making, um, music together. Nichole, in an Ambien induced flutter, singing darkly beautiful lines over my hastily constructed songs. Somehow the results are almost always stellar (if you have ever had the privilege of hearing Nichole’s voice, you know what I mean).

The night is then winded down by passing out to a marathon of (insert 90′s sitcom/drama here), exchanging goofy stories and we’re back where we started. One of the best things about life with Nichole is that although there plenty of days just like I described, the odds are tomorrow will be absolutely nothing like I described. Amazing? Stress-inducing? Apocalyptic? Nutty? Bratty? Cutesy? Fashionable? Creative? Yes. All of the things.

You can check out Adam’s blog here

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Interview with a Non Celebrity who May Someday Become a Celebrity: Awkward Eldon

27 Oct

Everyone knows that the best part of being a writer is getting to ask strangers intrusive questions about their personal lives. Requests are for the weak, so I demanded
that Patrick of Awkward Eldon answer a few questions. For some reason he refused to give me his home address (?), so the entire interview was done over email.

Don’t worry, he is not currently locked in my basement.

I don’t have a basement.

Here’s a picture I stole from his Facebook account. Used without permission.

Nichole:Tell me a horrific memory from your childhood.

Patrick:I once fell asleep on my front lawn. Upon waking, I felt something rather tingly in my nose. When I blew my nose, about 6 dead ants came out. I was five. Also, my cousin once peed on a tortilla and tried to feed it to me. You can’t come back from something like that.

Nichole: If you could meet/stalk any celebrity blogger (excluding me) who would it be and why?

Patrick:As in celebs that blog? Or blogs about celebs? Or maybe celebs that blog about other celebs – it’s like real people don’t exist or something. I’m going to go with the first. And I’d have to pick Jacqueline Laurita from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Don’t judge me. I’d also like to see her take down Teresa Giudice. Like, push her face in a pile of dirt or dead spiders or something. I’m not a violent person, though.

Nichole:What is your spirit animal and why?

Patrick:In order to answer this question correctly I completed an online survey that answered this question for me. And I’m obviously a wolf. A pack animal, ya dig? Because I hate being alone and love to suffocate people with my raw emotion and intense feelings. I’d say try not to get to close to me, but you really wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. My love tentacles enjoy smothering people, and you could be their next victim. Congratulations! Also, I sometimes wish congratulations was spelled with a ‘d’ in the middle instead of a ‘t’. That ‘t’ is so lame.

[Editor's note: I agree about the T.]

Nichole:When was the last time you cried (non-American Idol related)?

Patrick:A couple of weeks ago – I watched a series of baby elephant videos on youtube. They’ll change your life.

Nichole:If Awkward Eldon had its own theme song, what would the lyrics be? (Audio File encouraged!)

This is a toughy. As far as lyrics go, I couldn’t tell ya. I enjoy more the feeling a song gives me. And if there’s a song that gives off a feeling close to the feeling I have when writing the blog, it’s Mary Roach’s American Idol audition over I Feel The Earth Move. You can’t help but feel embarrassed for her. And scared for the judges. That’s, in a lot of ways, what Awkward Eldon is like. I’m embarrassed for myself, and for my creepy friends. I’m also terrified for you all (the 3 or 4 people who follow). Cheers.

[Editor's note: I was expecting him to buy studio time and RECORD a theme song. Ugh]

You can follow Patrick/Awkward Eldon on Facebook…if you really want to.

Check back this weekend for a very special Halloween giveaway!

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depths of despair!

19 Oct

I am wearing my pajamas and a vintage faux fur coat and my hair is in a 2 day old disheveled beehive style. I have refreshed my email 20 times in the last hour.

If I did get The Job, I wouldn’t be able to be sitting here in my apartment at 11:39 on a Wednesday. If I did get The Job, I would be at work right now, probably anxiously awaiting a snack break, or furiously scribbling down a song idea, longing to escape my Place Of Employment. I’d probably be wishing I could write. But instead here I am in this apartment, where I can write all day if I choose, and I’m wishing I could be at The Job.

If I was at The Job I wouldn’t have time to perfect my Tracy Morgan impression, or concoct new recipes from things that are left in my kitchen cupboards, or compose J-pop inspired synth melodies. I wouldn’t have time to drive all the way across town to go to the good grocery store instead of hurriedly popping in to the crappy neighborhood Kroger that smells like crackheads and rotten eggs.

I also wouldn’t have time to feel like total shit about myself for being a twenty something college graduate who for some reason cannot find a full-time job. Not even at a restaurant or a retail store. I would not have time to make an exhaustive mental list of all of my shortcomings and flaws and wonder if I did something in a past life to render me unemployable.

I refresh my email one more time. They said I should expect to hear from them about a second interview within 24-48 hours. It has now been 48 hours and 12 minutes.

iGiveup.

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Careers I have in my Fantasy Life

14 Sep

I’m currently designing business cards but I keep running into this problem:what do I list as my career?! I kind of do…a lot of the careers. Or at least a few of them. Sort of. I think I will just go with:

Nichole Jackson
consultant.

You know, keep it nice and vague. Keep the people guessing. Leave them wanting more. More…consulting. Yeeeeah.

Aaaaaanyway, here is a (partial) list of careers I would have in my perfect dream life, and my gross misinterpretations of what said careers would actually entail:

1. Detective/Spy
I am qualified for this career because I own a Michael Kors trenchcoat and also because one time my psychic told me that I AM ALSO A PSYCHIC! I can use that to solve crimes! Just imagine…lurkin’ in corners, crackin’ the case. I got this.

2. Motivational Speaker

Sometimes people ask me for advice, and I give them the advice, and they thank me and buy me a drink. So I already consider myself a motivational speaker of sorts, because my speech obviously motivates them. But in my fantasy life I will take this to the next level. I will tour college campuses, motivating students left and right. Imagine it. This song comes over the PA:

I saunter on stage and wait patiently for the applause to die down. I speak, motivationally, about “achieving your potential” and “positive thinking”. At the end of the presentation the students leave feeling motivated about their futures, high on hope and Rockstar Energy Drink (who will be sponsoring the tour). Then everyone will buy my book, which leads me to my next career….

3.Author
I’m working on a self-help/motivational book called “All You Have to Do is Ask”. It’s about how you can make all your wildest dreams come true just by…asking. Seriously. If you want something just ask for it. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at the outcome. The idea came to me when I was hanging outside of a local venue and I REALLY wanted a pizza, but I was broke. A man walked out of the pizza place next door.

I said to the man, “I’m starving. Will you make me a cheesy pizza?”

“Sure.” he replied.

I sure wasn’t expecting that answer! 15 minutes later he emerged from the restaurant with an extra large cheesy pizza. It was enough for me and all of my friends to share. I felt like a hero that night. A pizza hero. The best kind of hero to be.

4. Fashion Guru
Not to be confused with fashion stylist. A fashion guru is someone all of the people look to for style advice. Someone like Tim Gunn. When I was in middle school I had a fashion advice blog (I think it was a Geocities page or something. Geocities. Ha.) Adults would ask me things like, “Is it ok to wear linen to an afternoon wedding?”. I always told them to wear something less boring. I’m not sure if they took the advice or not because I got bored and abandoned the blog altogether.

I might have missed my chance to be a fashion guru. I might have peaked in middle school.

5. Mermaid
(Not technically a career but this IS my fantasy life we are talking about.)

When I was a kid teachers would always ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

My classmates would answer with things like “architect” or “veterinarian”.

Me? I always went with mermaid. I’m still working on it. I have the hair pretty much down, and I can sing. However, my swimming skills still need improvement…

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