Recently a lot of a few people have asked me why I haven’t blogged in awhile. The simple answer is, I got an 8-5 job. I can’t really go into much detail as I had to sign a confidentiality agreement. For me the term “confidentiality agreement” brings to mind super exciting jobs, like working for celebrities or the CIA, but this isn’t one of them. Even if I could tell you about it, I wouldn’t because your eyes would glaze over in boredom and you would click the little x in the top of the screen and probably unsubscribe.
I am nocturnal by nature. Not only has this new work/sleep schedule killed my social life, but it’s also in the process of destroying my creative side. The last thing I want to do after staring at a computer all day is come home and stare at a computer more. But I’m not going get a full-time writing job by being lazy, so I promise to post more from now on.
In order to escape my 9-5 fate and be able to pursue my literary dreams, my 2012 resolution is to get rich by any legal means possible. I have devised a list of possible ways to get rich, some of them plausible and some (most) of them not.
1. Jewels
At some point in history, people decided that jewels are crazy valuable. I don’t really understand why…they’re just shiny things from the ground. I tried Googling it but I just got all of these search results involving video games. Anyway, my plan is to dig around for a little while, find some bling, and then, you know, be rich. Seems easy enough.
2. Start a Cult
Did some research and it turns out cult leaders are usually really charismatic or whatever. That could be a problem since I’m,um,not…but my boyfriend is! He’s a musician and has tons of obsessed teen/early 20s fangirls who would probably do anything he told them to…like give us all their money! Now I just have to convince him that this is a good idea…
3. Good, Honest Hard Work
Just kidding! Do I look like a midwesterner to you?
4. Free Money from the Government!
So there’s this guy named Matthew Lesko and if you order his books you can learn how to get free money from the government! Not only does he have immaculate taste in suits, but he could help me get rich!
Oh…it turns that most of the grants Lesko mentions in his books are only available to very specific groups of people (like farmers, or scientists. not struggling writers).
Also, he admitted to plagiarizing all of his content.
This guy is kind of my hero.
5. Sweepstakes
If I quit my job and spend all of my spare time entering sweepstakes, I’m bound to win eventually, right?! Hold on, some guy with a giant check is at my door…
If none of these ideas work out, I will just have to resign myself to watching Roseanne and eating Doritos. That doesn’t sound so bad. Except for the Roseanne part.
