My friend told me she heard about a new diet.
“Well, what is the diet?” I asked.
“It’s Kleenex.”
“A diet of Kleenex?”
“Yes. Celebrities eat the Kleenex instead of food items. It makes them ‘full’”
“Hmmmm”
I decided not to do that particular diet,
because I don’t like things that are spelled with a K when they seem like they should be spelled with a C.
If you’re looking for health advice, then you came to the wrong place. However, you should keep reading and send me a thank you letter because laughter is the best medicine or whatever.
1. Being sick gives you the perfect opportunity to use dramatic, old-timey phrases like “I have been taken ill.” Try to see how many you can use in one day.
2. Use WebMD to diagnose yourself. No matter what symptoms you enter it always says you have either cancer or AIDS. Freak out accordingly.
3. If someone offers to bring you soup (or crackers) take them up on it, even if other people have already brought you food. If you play your cards right you could end up with enough food for the entire week!
4. Fun with prescription drugs. Need I say more?
5. Demand a fancy Victorian fainting couch to recline on.
6. Post Oregon Trail style updates on all of the social networking websites you are a member of. Example: “Nichole has taken a turn for the worst.”
7. Drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest, or whatever.
