A few weeks ago I was at the mall with my friend Isaac (who will hereby be referred to as Fashion Soulmate). We met this kid who worked there. He seemed absolutely miserable (retail will do that to you). We bought him some Sour Patch Kids in a lame attempt to cheer him up. It…kind of worked? Or maybe he was just happy we finally left his store.
Annnnnyway, here’s a silly video of Adam and I goofing around trying to write a song about despondent retail workers.
(very much a work in progress. and before anyone asks: 1.no, i don’t think suicide is something to be taken lightly 2. no, i’m not stoned 3. yes, i do always look like a weird alien/bobblehead doll.shut up. 4. no, the guy in the video is not single. 5.yes, we did write this in ten minutes.)
this one time, i had a mountain of dishes to wash.
so i thought to myself, “what can i do to avoid all my adult responsibilities?”
i don’t like tv.
that’s not really an option, anyway.
“OH, i know!! i’ll pretend to be regina spektor! and i’ll record a silly song for this boy. yes! yes, this sounds like a brilliant plan!”
so i recorded this:
i (used to) hate twee
(i still hate twee)
but i hate housework even more.
A stray cat visited me the other night while I was outside gazing at the moon.
“Stranger, can I be of some assistance?” I asked.
The cat responded by rubbing up against my leg and pawing at my screen door.
“Oh, I see. You’re in need of a home.”
The cat stared back at me.
“Wag your tail once for yes and twice for no.”
The cat wagged his tail.
“I’m terribly sorry but I’m afraid I cannot offer you a place to stay. “
The cat laid down at my feet.
“Cat, I must be going. Return tomorrow at 11pm and I will feed you.”
I named him Olliecat.
The next night I waited.
He never came back.