technical ones. working them out right now.
If you’re looking for health advice, then you came to the wrong place. However, you should keep reading and send me a thank you letter because laughter is the best medicine or whatever.
1. Being sick gives you the perfect opportunity to use dramatic, old-timey phrases like “I have been taken ill.” Try to see how many you can use in one day.
2. Use WebMD to diagnose yourself. No matter what symptoms you enter it always says you have either cancer or AIDS. Freak out accordingly.
3. If someone offers to bring you soup (or crackers) take them up on it, even if other people have already brought you food. If you play your cards right you could end up with enough food for the entire week!
4. Fun with prescription drugs. Need I say more?
5. Demand a fancy Victorian fainting couch to recline on.
6. Post Oregon Trail style updates on all of the social networking websites you are a member of. Example: “Nichole has taken a turn for the worst.”
7. Drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest, or whatever.
I spent the weekend acting in a short film. Film acting involves a lot of sitting around, goofing off, and eating snacks, so really it’s the perfect job for me.
I found out that one of the crew members grew up on the same street I used to live on in Memphis. We hit it off, and in between takes he told me stories about his childhood. Eventually, he divulged to me that he had played Pockets in the classic 90s film Hook! Whaaat?!!! Meeting a child actor from Hook is possibly the best thing that can happen to anyone, ever, so I couldn’t believe my luck!
When he told me this, I was amazed. I texted one of my best friends, and since she had a fever she was equally amazed and did not question the validity of his statement. Also, as my most rational and logical friend, she failed to mention that this kid was probably lying. But she had a fever, so I guess it’s ok. (love you, B. Feel better!)
When I got home after shooting, I was so excited to tell my boyfriend that I hung out with the actor who played Pockets in Hook. I Googled him…and quickly realized it was not the same person.
I had been tricked. Tricked bad.
The next day I had to be on set really early. I told the makeup artist what happened, and we planned an elaborate scheme….
When Jerome (AKA NOT Pockets from Hook) got on set, I ran up to him.
“My little sister is a huge fan of your movie. I know this is a lot to ask, but I was wondering…do you think you could maybe visit her in the hospital? It would mean a lot.”
Jerome hid from me all day. He avoided eye contact every time I saw him.
After the film wrapped, I found him outside.
“Here’s your autograph back. My sister is going to be so disappointed. Thanks a lot.”
He looked like he was about to cry, so I couldn’t keep up the joke any longer. I told Jerome (NOT POCKETS!) that the joke was on him this time.
“What?!!! I spent all day worrying I was going to be on the news and everyone was going to find out.”
“Nah. I’m an only child. Later Pockets!”