Everyone knows that the best part of being a writer is getting to ask strangers intrusive questions about their personal lives. Requests are for the weak, so I demanded
that Patrick of Awkward Eldon answer a few questions. For some reason he refused to give me his home address (?), so the entire interview was done over email.
Don’t worry, he is not currently locked in my basement.
I don’t have a basement.
Here’s a picture I stole from his Facebook account. Used without permission.
Nichole:Tell me a horrific memory from your childhood.
Patrick:I once fell asleep on my front lawn. Upon waking, I felt something rather tingly in my nose. When I blew my nose, about 6 dead ants came out. I was five. Also, my cousin once peed on a tortilla and tried to feed it to me. You can’t come back from something like that.
Nichole: If you could meet/stalk any celebrity blogger (excluding me) who would it be and why?
Patrick:As in celebs that blog? Or blogs about celebs? Or maybe celebs that blog about other celebs – it’s like real people don’t exist or something. I’m going to go with the first. And I’d have to pick Jacqueline Laurita from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Don’t judge me. I’d also like to see her take down Teresa Giudice. Like, push her face in a pile of dirt or dead spiders or something. I’m not a violent person, though.
Nichole:What is your spirit animal and why?
Patrick:In order to answer this question correctly I completed an online survey that answered this question for me. And I’m obviously a wolf. A pack animal, ya dig? Because I hate being alone and love to suffocate people with my raw emotion and intense feelings. I’d say try not to get to close to me, but you really wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. My love tentacles enjoy smothering people, and you could be their next victim. Congratulations! Also, I sometimes wish congratulations was spelled with a ‘d’ in the middle instead of a ‘t’. That ‘t’ is so lame.
[Editor's note: I agree about the T.]
Nichole:When was the last time you cried (non-American Idol related)?
Patrick:A couple of weeks ago – I watched a series of baby elephant videos on youtube. They’ll change your life.
Nichole:If Awkward Eldon had its own theme song, what would the lyrics be? (Audio File encouraged!)
This is a toughy. As far as lyrics go, I couldn’t tell ya. I enjoy more the feeling a song gives me. And if there’s a song that gives off a feeling close to the feeling I have when writing the blog, it’s Mary Roach’s American Idol audition over I Feel The Earth Move. You can’t help but feel embarrassed for her. And scared for the judges. That’s, in a lot of ways, what Awkward Eldon is like. I’m embarrassed for myself, and for my creepy friends. I’m also terrified for you all (the 3 or 4 people who follow). Cheers.
[Editor's note: I was expecting him to buy studio time and RECORD a theme song. Ugh]
You can follow Patrick/Awkward Eldon on Facebook…if you really want to.
Check back this weekend for a very special Halloween giveaway!