I applied for a job at a restaurant. I haven’t worked at a restaurant since…high school, maybe? So, I tried to win them over with wit and charm.
What follows is the actual cover letter I submitted.
Dear Ms. Norman:
While I may not have quite as much food service experience as some of your other applicants, I’m confident I would be a valuable asset to your establishment. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Working as an actress for the past 5 years has taught me to be outgoing and personable at all times, even when I don’t feel like it. So, even if I secretly can’t stand certain customers, or I’m having a bad day, no one will know. I’ve even played a server in movies. Twice!
2. Many of my friends work at Jackson’s. I won’t mention specific names since everyone hates a name dropper. Anyway, I come here to visit them often which has resulted in me becoming quite familiar with the menu. As a frequent customer, I can already tell I would get along with the rest of the staff swimmingly. No need to worry about inner-restaurant drama here.
3. Aside from the occasional glass of white wine, I’m not really much of a drinker. So, you won’t have to worry about me showing up to work hungover. This will also come in handy when you need me to cover someone’s shift at a moment’s notice. I don’t smoke, either, so I won’t require any cigarette breaks.
I came up with a much longer list of reasons why you should hire me, but I wanted to keep this brief. I know you’re very busy.
In all seriousness, I would love to be a part of the Jackson’s team. Please contact me when you are interested in scheduling an interview.
Best regards,
Nichole Jackson
I have yet to receive a call back, but apparently the letter has been quite the hit with the employees. The ones I would get along with. Swimmingly.
I’d totally hire you if I were the manager. I’d at least want to know the face behind the cover letter. That is so awesome.
Thanks, Coley!
Can I just be your personal assistant instead. Just want 2 follow you around and giggle all day.
Swimmingly? Well I do enjoy the cover letter, quite direct and not fancied up with technical b.s. that most people do. You’ve got my support!
If they don’t hire me I’m making a petition!
You are: Not funny, a terrible writer, and exceedingly unattractive. Are you seriously under the false pretense that you are any of these things? THIS BLOG SUCKS.
Thanks for the constructive criticism! I’m always working on improving as a writer. Thanks for reading/commenting on my blog even though IT SUCKS!
a universal truth: what we say to/about others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. if you dislike yourself that much, i would recommend you spend less time on the internet and more time with a therapist.
OK. I would NEVER hire someone that sent this is in. Basically, you are saying you should be hired based on the facts that:
+you are an actress and are good at pretending to be friendly and personable when you are in fact… not.
+you have friends that work there and there will be no drama. The fact that you even have to mention drama being a problem shows that this has been an issue in the past.
+you won’t show up to work hungover. DUH?? no employee should even have to mention that this shouldn’t be a problem, which yet again shows that you have had an issue with this in the past.
What about saying that you are honest, hard-working, and would do a great job at the tasks assigned to you? I am just being honest here and letting you know no manager in their right mind would look for anyone who lists their best traits as being an actress who will not come in hungover.
This is not witty or charming, it is quite ridiculous and makes you come off as a very cocky person who is not quite in touch with reality.
Hi Mark,
Thanks for reading/commenting.
I appreciate the advice. The letter was a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing, and maybe not everyone shares my sense of humor.
If you read a bit more carefully, you will see that I never said I wasn’t friendly or personable. I said that I can basically put on a happy face and have a good attitude at work, even if I’m having a bad day. That’s a good trait in any employee. Employees drink at this restaurant. It’s quite a relaxed atmosphere, and they enjoyed the letter, or at least got a good laugh out of it.
A cover letter about how honest and hard-working someone is? Generic and boring. I’m not applying for some corporate job OR trying to put the manager to sleep. zZZZZZzzz (I’ve always wondered how “zZZZzz” came to represent sleep. I’m guessing it originated with comics. Sure it is easily Google-able.
Anyway, the letter was written in a style that doesn’t appeal to you, and that’s ok. Thanks again for reading.
(oh and you are right about me not being in touch with reality. the grass is really green over here. join me.)
This is so cute. I like it and would hire you in a New Mexico minute.
Thank you! If only I lived in New Mexico…