I applied for a job at a restaurant. I haven’t worked at a restaurant since…high school, maybe? So, I tried to win them over with wit and charm.
What follows is the actual cover letter I submitted.
Dear Ms. Norman:
While I may not have quite as much food service experience as some of your other applicants, I’m confident I would be a valuable asset to your establishment. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Working as an actress for the past 5 years has taught me to be outgoing and personable at all times, even when I don’t feel like it. So, even if I secretly can’t stand certain customers, or I’m having a bad day, no one will know. I’ve even played a server in movies. Twice!
2. Many of my friends work at Jackson’s. I won’t mention specific names since everyone hates a name dropper. Anyway, I come here to visit them often which has resulted in me becoming quite familiar with the menu. As a frequent customer, I can already tell I would get along with the rest of the staff swimmingly. No need to worry about inner-restaurant drama here.
3. Aside from the occasional glass of white wine, I’m not really much of a drinker. So, you won’t have to worry about me showing up to work hungover. This will also come in handy when you need me to cover someone’s shift at a moment’s notice. I don’t smoke, either, so I won’t require any cigarette breaks.
I came up with a much longer list of reasons why you should hire me, but I wanted to keep this brief. I know you’re very busy.
In all seriousness, I would love to be a part of the Jackson’s team. Please contact me when you are interested in scheduling an interview.
I have yet to receive a call back, but apparently the letter has been quite the hit with the employees. The ones I would get along with. Swimmingly.